Do not give me the drugs

Today I had the indoctrination into old age. Yes, I had to have a colonoscopy. I am really not that old but as my father died of colon cancer in his early 50’s, my doctor wanted me to start being screened early. The prep is awful but I will say no more on that except that it didn’t “work” that well, so I have to go back in a year instead of five years. Crap. Really.
The procedures are basically done in an assembly line under a general anaesthetic. As I am being wheeled back to my “slot” to wake up, past all the others waiting or recovering, I attempted to sit up and exclaim “That was amazing!”. Except that it came out “phtath wash amashing”. The Dr. without missing a beat said “well, that is one way to describe it”.
Mortified is my middle name. Hazardgirl is my first name.

Locked in the trunk of a car

For all the tragically hip fans out there…Actually, it should be locked in a garage.

I was petsitting for friends that were on vacation who have a hamster and two cats. One evening I went to feed and water the critters and afterwards was to meet up with a friend to see a movie. Things started out badly when I realized that the hamster had stuffed a BUNCH OF BEDDING into the tube that separates her two cages. I emptied out the bedding, full of hamster food and probably hamster poop so that she could get to the other side. I then proceeded to deal with the cats. I checked their litter box and thought “hmm. Two cats, two days and there is NO shit in this litter box. I wonder where it is?”. I found it in the middle of the family room. Sigh.

I cleaned up the cat poop and went to throw it in the garbage in the garage. The door from the house to the garage LOCKED behind me. ALL of my stuff was in the house and I had also locked the front door. I panicked a bit, wondering how I would get back in the house when I opened the garage. Little did I know…I pressed the garage door opener and the door did not open. I tried again. Nothing. Uh oh. The side door from the garage to the yard was nailed shut with 2×4’s across it. Oh Crap. I actually almost passed out. There was No Where To Go.

I sat down on the stairs. As I was due to meet a friend and I think she knew where I was headed before the movie, I figured a few hours before I was discovered. Hyperventilating. Then I looked up. And saw that the garage door opener was unplugged. I scrambled up a ladder, plugged it in and YAY!!! I managed to get the door open and feel freedom, sweet freedom!

I remembered that they had given a neighbour a key (because I AM Hazardgirl after all) but wasn’t exactly sure which neighbour. I thought I would just start knocking on doors. Luckily it was the first one I tried. I spilled out my story  to poor Rob and his family. For those of you that know me, I am not a slow talked at my calmest. Get the adrenaline pumping and I am CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS!!! IWASLOCKEDINTHEGARAGEANNEEDTHE KEYTOGETMYSTUFFSOICANGOSEEAMOVIE.

Happy ending. Got the keys, got my stuff and skedaddled out of there as fast as I could. Now I have an unnatural paranoia of getting locked in places. Great. Another thing to add to my list for my own brand of crazy.

Bathroom reno’s with a twist

We have recently decided to renovate our bathroom and are looking for a whirlpool bathtub. I did a search on the city we live in, the province and the word “bathtub”. Google awarded me with a whole list of “bathtub” related links and businesses. There was Bathfitters, the Bathtub King and one that particularly piqued my interest, Central Spa.

The link to the website is www.centralspa.ca. (Warning: NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK.)

Needless to say, I do not anticipate purchasing a bathtub there. Or anything at all. I need to take a shower now.

Two hazards in one day

Things have been a little slow in hazard land but I think that today made up for it.

1) I was dusting the bedroom and reached for the Pledge. Unfortunately, I grabbed hairspray and sprayed it all over the furniture. :\

2) At the grocery store, I was bagging my groceries. I then saw the fellow behind me looking a little confused. It became clear to me that I had put HIS groceries into MY bags. So the sort began…

Hazards of kitty litter

The other day I was cleaning out the cat litter box. It is in the laundry room, which is off of a hallway between the kitchen and the family room. Across the hallway is the entrance from the garage into the house. It is approximately 15 feet from the litter box to the garage door to the garage where the garbage is.

I scooped up the litter and as I carried it across the tile, I realized that there was a small hole in the bottom of the plastic grocery bag that I was using to carry it to the garage. What I did NOT realize is that by the time I got to the garage door, the bag would almost entirely give out, dumping used cat litter into NOT ONLY the shoes BUT my open purse that was left by the garage door.

When I told Rick what happened, he asked me what I did AFTER I crawled out from under the shopping cart.