Why even bother?

Last night we had some friends over for food, drinks and laughs. It was a very nice evening and we managed to use every dish in the house. Afterwards, Rick and I found a movie to watch (V is for Vendetta) and it wasn’t finished until almost one o’clock. I usually do my tidying the night of a party because I hate waking up to a mess but decided to leave most of it.

This morning, I was BLEARY with a capital B. Hardened food on plates, stuff everywhere. I made myself a cappuccino and decided to tackle the task of spot cleaning the kitchen floor. Our tiles are very light, so every spot is a screaming testament to my poor housekeeping abilities.

I was bending over, sponging the spots, moving over, sponging more spots. I got to the edge of the kitchen and realized that everytime I bent down, I spilled coffee all over the floor.  All of my newly cleaned spots are replaced with coffee drips.

And so I start again…or perhaps I should go back to bed.

 

I’ve met people like me.

This week, we are on holidays and among the many things that we have done, one is that we installed a little pond in the backyard. Yesterday we spent the day landscaping, buying plants and getting fish for the pond. This morning, I wanted to check on the pond and ensure that the raccoons (spawn of Satan) did not destroy the plants, eat the fish, move a hose so that the pond slowly empties etc.

In my teeny weeny blue nighty, I went out the patio door and slowly closed it behind me. With horror, I realized that the safety anti-theft bar on the patio door had fallen and essentially locked me out of the house. There was no budging it and of course, the front and back doors are locked.

I remembered that the door from the garage to the house is open. If I could just get to the garage door and open it before anyone saw me (especially the poor 16 year old kid next door-this kind  of trauma he does not need first thing in the morning). It is also about 8 am, when ALL the neighbours are headed off to work, ALL the joggers are out and ALL the kids are headed to school.

I slowly skulked around the house, ducking behind our cars that were serendipitously parked on the driveway. I managed to get the garage door open and myself safely ensconced into my abode.

All of my life I have had neighbours that did weird things and today I learned that there is ALWAYS a reason for strange behaviour.

Petcare at its best

So Rick and I are headed out of town for a few days and my niece Adriana is coming to stay with Kitty. She came over this afternoon so I could give her the spiel about where the food is and the best way to LOOK AFTER MY BABY CAT (who is, by the way 17).

She was looking amused and I finally said to her “OK, I guess you have looked after pets before, I suppose I am going overboard”.

Her:  “Yes, I have two pets, a cat AND a dog” (as if I didn’t know). But, ya know, my last cat died”.

Me: “Emma was 22″.

Her: “I’m just sayin’.”

Snort.

Apparently they are *all* trainees

My girlfriend Dor and I went to see Sex and the City tonight. We were being served by some kid who was already being bamboozled by us.

     Dor: “Hmmm. Do you have anything smaller than a small popcorn”?

     Kid: “Ummm, we have a small bucket or the small bag.”

     Dor: ” OK, well which has less?”

     Kid, looking frightened: “I really don’t know”

     Dor: “OK, never mind. I’ll just take the small bag I won’t make you count the     kernels”.

Then I saw it. His badge.

In training.

I, however, got LOTS of topping on my popcorn, so it was all good.

I don’t care if she’s new.

So Rick and I went to see Iron Man last night. Although the theatres are five minutes from our house, we rarely go to the movies because, inevitably, I freeze my ass off and we are generally disappointed by the product. However, we heard good things about Iron Man and although it was a thin on plot, it was still fabulous in special effects, witty banter (not to mention RDJ and his “buffness”) and PG level sexual tension.

However, the purpose today is to show an example of how things work in my world. This is a true conversation that we had after we purchased our snacks as we walked towards our theatre.

Rick: saying nothing, looking grumpy

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Rick: “Nothing… grumble grumble” (looking pissed off)

Me: “Is it the popcorn?”

Rick: “YES. Did you see how little butter we got on it??? It went “splerrrt splrerrt” but there was nothing coming out!”

Me: “Oh well.”

Rick: “NO! She was a TRAINEE! Did you see her tag?  She was a TRAINEE! With NOBODY training her!!! We have to complain! How will she ever learn if no one complains?”

Me: “I have stopped having fun here.”

In the theatre, the fun and games continued.  For the first time in theatre history there was no air conditioning in the theatre. Not only that, the air wasn’t even being circulated. This induced Mr. cranky-pants to pull his pant legs up to his knees (making, ostensibly, cranky shorts).

Rick: “Did they make the seats smaller?”

Me: “No.”

Rick: “Oh come on, these are BABY seats! Who can fit into these? And these arm rests. My arms are practically dragging on the ground. My arm is IN a cup holder. Does everyone but me have truncated forearms?”

Perhaps the shitty quality of current film making is not the only reason that we don’t go to movies much. What do YOU think?